


story telling

by storytellerdad



Series: life and times of ordinary folks [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 10:35:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3689043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storytellerdad/pseuds/storytellerdad





	story telling

I guess it's time to talk about shopping. Ug just saying the word 'shopping' give me chills up and down my back. The hairs on the back of my head stand up like there's a ghost in the room. There are two kinds of shopping. 

First of all is grocery shopping. I don't mind going to the grocery store. We have a system. My wife, Peg, takes a small cart and heads for the produce and then meats. I take one of the larger carts and go merrily on my way. When it is time to check out they take Peg's cart and ring up the items and they give my cart to the bag boys and girls to put everything away. They keep reminding me to go to the ice cream aisle last. I really like ice cream.

Next is the shopping mall. Peg comes to me and says “we need to go shopping”, what that means is 'she wants to go shopping'. Oh the horror. Up until about three years ago I think I had a world record for married, with children, American men. I had not been inside a mall in almost seven years. Sure I had been to the mall, but not inside. Again Peg and I have a system. I drive her to the front door of the mall and am courteous enough to come to a complete stop to let her out. Then I drive over to the middle of the parking lot where there is a little string of stores. The bar is right next to where you get your taxes done. Someone planned that right. There is also a laundromat and at the far end the ice cream store. You know the one where your brain gets tired while your trying to make up your mind because of so many choices and so many combinations. Any way I get a cone and go sit in the car, eat ice cream and nap until Peg calls for me to pick her up. One time I tried to change the routine. But napping first didn't do anything except when I woke up the ice cream had made a mess and since it's Peg's car I had to hire some kid to clean it up.

 

Back to what happened three years ago. It was the first part of November about two weeks before Thanksgiving. Now Peg is a great nurse. She has nursed the kids, even me, and some of the neighbors through the colds and flu season year after year and she never gets sick herself. That was the year disaster struck. Yep, she got a really bad cold the first week of November. I mean that was the mother of all colds. It was payback for all the times she helped others. She actually coughed and sneezed. That wasn't the disaster. What happened next is the disaster. She says she has to finish her Christmas shopping and I have to go with her to carry her packages because she is still weak from her cold. Of course I told her that normal people, namely men wait until the 23rd or 24th of December to Christmas shop. Bottom line is I had to go inside the mall.

My wife is a very smart woman. She took me in an entrance that as soon as you marched up to the main hallway, bingo there was an ice cream shop. Now the mall is already decorated for Christmas. Every decoration known to mankind was hanging or standing somewhere within eye sight. There was some sort of squeaky kind of animals screeching what was supposed to be a Christmas carol out of some loud speakers. Following orders I got an ice cream cone and sat down to wait for her. About 45 minutes latter the second cone had just disappeared when she brought me a couple of bags to carry to the next retail thief. This time as she went inside I kinda wandered around by myself. I was keeping my head down hoping no one I knew would see me. I wondered into a store and did not hesitate to scurry back out. I am here to tell you that Victoria does not have any secrets. She has it all on display. A couple of doors down was Bed, Bath and Beyond. I didn't even need to go in that one. In my house I go to the bed room and then on to the bathroom. There is no beyond, just the back yard. I grew up with the bath out beyond and I have no desire to revisit that little house. 

As I am standing there contemplating my next move Peg shows up with three more bags and lets me know she is tired and I should take her to lunch. We will do this again tomorrow. Only if she can find me.


End file.
